


Green Carnations

by evevoli89



Series: Green Carnations Universe [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (just kidding im not), Amputee Peridot, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Peridot, Car Accidents, College AU, Coma, Coma dreams, Dreamscapes, Established Relationship, F/F, Hospitals, Human AU, Memory Loss, Musical Influences (is that a thing? it is now), Roommates to lovers, canon intersection (idk what else to call it oops), is that a thing? well it is now, lapidot - Freeform, lapis works at starbucks, no one is happy, no regrets : ), sad lesbians, sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-06-30 20:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15759363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evevoli89/pseuds/evevoli89
Summary: Lapis couldn't remember the last time she'd ever been inside a hospital. Whenever that was, it certainly wasn't after she moved to Delmarva from Hawaii.She hoped she could keep it that way, as would anyone. Unfortunately, hope doesn't really get you too far.





	1. I Can't Be Losing Sleep Over This

Lapis sat at the small table in her shared apartment, eating cereal and staring at something on her phone. Behind her, Peridot ran across the room, a piece of toast in her mouth and several papers clutched in her hand as if she were some kind of anime character. She nearly tripped twice, right sneaker not even all the way on her foot and left about to slide off.

 

Finally making it to the edge of the kitchen, she threw open her beat-up messenger bag that was against the counter and slid the papers into a folder as quickly as she could, simultaneously pushing the rest of her toast into her mouth with just her teeth.

 

She relaxed a little as she swallowed, plopping down onto the floor and quickly tying her shoes. She tied the left tighter than the right, as she usually did, to ensure that it didn’t fall off her prosthetic foot. Standing up and clapping her hands together, she threw on her satchel and walked over to Lapis.

 

“See you after class, Laz,” she chirped tiredly, kissing her on the cheek. Lapis chuckled, giving her partner’s hand a quick squeeze before she turned and speed-walked towards the door. Lapis turned back to her food, listening as the door shut and the uneven footsteps echoing from the hallway grew farther and farther away.

 

~~~

 

Lapis was lying on the couch, half paying attention to the sitcom-like mockumentary that was on their small TV. She didn’t have classes until Monday, and work didn’t start for another two hours. Truthfully, today was going to be boring. At least Peridot would be home in a few hours.

 

   Just as Lapis had begun to doze off, her phone buzzed in her pocket, a familiar tune she had learned to associate with irritation blaring through the speaker. 

 

She sighed as she pulled the device out and glanced at the caller ID. It was a number she didn’t recognize, though the area code was from Delmarva. She shrugged, tapping the answer button and bringing the phone to her ear. It wasn’t like strangers called her often anyway.

 

“Hello?” she spoke casually. A light, sympathetic voice came out of the speaker in response.

 

“Hello, is this Lapis Mahoe? This is the Beach City Medical Center.”

 

The air around her suddenly grew tense. “Y… yeah, this is Lapis. Is something wrong?”

 

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor sighed..“I’m calling about Peridot Daimon. She was in a bus accident about an hour ago, and the emergency contact on her cell phone revealed your name and number.”

 

Lapis froze, sitting up, phone nearly slipping from her grip. “B-bus _ … accident _ ?” she nearly whispered.

 

“Yes. We haven’t gotten much information yet, but we’ll be sure to let you know when we have everything sorted out. Ms. Daimon is in the emergency room at the moment. We will call you back when she’s out, or you may wait for us in the hospital.”

 

“Oh… okay. I’ll be there soon, then. T-thank you,” Lapis spoke politely. Her hands shook. 

 

The nurse on the other end bid Lapis farewell before hanging up the phone. Lapis let her own device drop to the floor as she stared ahead, eyes wide in unspoken horror.

 

After a few moments, she schooched further up the couch into a better sitting position. Her trembling hands clutched her head, dug into her strands of dyed blue hair. Her heart pounded in her ears, breaths fast and wobbling.

 

Peridot was in a bus accident. Peridot was in a bus accident.  _ Peridot was in a bus accident. _

 

A small, weak sob escaped her as she curled in on herself. Fear planted itself within her bones. It was even worse than if  _ she  _ were right there and had just punched her in the gut. She wanted to run, run, run, far away into the sea and never return. Or maybe run off to the moon, yes, that would be safer. She’d never have to know when Peridot- when she-

 

Lapis took a deep breath and finally sat back up. How long had it been since the call began, now? Five minutes? It felt like both seconds and hours. The Hawaiian glanced up at the clock on the apartment’s gray wall. 11:53 AM. Her shift didn’t begin until two, there was still time. She could catch the 12:00 bus and get to the hospital, if only for a while.

 

She forced herself to stand up and walk into the small hallway, barely remembering to pick her phone up off the floor. She refused to glance towards Peridot’s bedroom door, and stepped into her own. She picked up her phone charger and her old blue flannel shirt and threw it on, buttoning it haphazardly. It was raining pretty heavily, after all, though she didn’t really feel like changing out of her jean shorts.

 

Tucking the charger into her small purse with her wallet, she left the room, grabbing an umbrella and her flip flops before stepping out and locking the apartment door behind her.

 

~~~

 

“Uh, hey, Carnelian… Listen, I’m probably going to be late for my shift today… Actually, I-I might not even show up, I…” Lapis stammered into her phone’s microphone.

 

“Woah, Lapis, slow down! What’s going on? Did something happen?” Carnelian’s normally chipper voice was full of concern.

 

Lapis took a deep, soothing breath. “My… my girlfriend was in an accident, so I’m… I gotta stay with her. I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh jeez, that’s terrible! B-but don’t worry, Lapis,” Carnelian’s raspy voice spoke through the receiver. “I’ll tell ol’ Agate and we’ll get someone to cover for ‘ya. You ‘n’ Peridot take as much time as you need, we’ll  _ probably  _ be okay.”

 

Lapis finally allowed herself to smile as her shoulders relaxed. That’s one less thing to worry about, now. “Thanks, Carnelian. I owe you one.” Lapis knew how much of an ass their boss could be; she didn’t want to think about what Holly Blue would say upon finding out someone needed to cover with only an hour’s notice.

 

“Sure thing, dude,” Carnelian replied. And with that, she hung up, leaving Lapis to stare at the wall several feet before her, in the cool, clean waiting room of Beach City Medical Center. The faux-leather chairs were a soft beige, the walls a similar color. A nice potted plant rested in the corner and a kids’ bead maze toy sat on the short coffee table.

 

She fingered the fabric of her flannel shirt. She’d had it since the end of senior year, right when things in her life began to change for the better. It felt lucky, in a way.

 

Truthfully, she was feeling a little exhausted, despite not really doing much that day. Anxiety thrummed in her chest and she alternated between glancing at the clock and glancing out at the hallway every other minute. She’d only been there half an hour, but it still felt like years. She almost wanted to cry.

 

When she’d gotten to the front office, the receptionist told her Peridot was still in surgery but would be out “soon”, and that she’d let Dr. Maheswaran know Lapis was there.

 

God, as childish as it was, she hated hearing “soon”. She wished they could just give her an answer. 

 

She sighed, sinking into her chair, paranoid and bored out of her mind. Her eyes never stopped drifting towards the hallway to her right, silently begging for someone to come out of it with any sort of news.

 

She should probably text Steven… no, he was still at school. She didn’t have Garnet or Pearl’s numbers, either. She considered pulling up a game on her phone, but it just didn’t feel right, not when Peridot was in there, possibly  _ dying- _

 

She shook her head. Don’t think of that now. She’ll be fine, right?

 

Right.

 

Lapis had almost begun to doze off before a voice jolted her awake.

 

“Ms. Mahoe?”

 

Lapis shook her head in an effort to wake herself up and looked up at who was speaking to her. It was a middle-aged woman with dark skin and a long white lab coat. She hadn’t even seen or heard her come in.“Y-yes?” she uttered.

 

The doctor smiled a little. “I’m Dr. Maheswaran, I’m responsible for Peridot Daimon. I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that Peridot made it out of the trauma room and is recovering in the Intensive Care Unit. You may visit her, but only for ten minutes at a time until her condition becomes more stable.”

 

Lapis’s expression brightened, shoulders relaxing in relief. Thank  _ God _ , she was  _ alive _ . She sighed, unable to hide her watery smile. 

 

“She suffered severe head trauma, cannot currently breathe on her own, and will be unconscious for an… indeterminable amount of time, though she should be alright without the ventilator within forty eight or so hours.”

 

Lapis’s stomach did a somersault. She was still unconscious? When was she going to wake up, was she okay?! 

 

“Thank you,” she smiled politely, standing up. She stretched her shoulders a bit as they started down the hallway. Her limbs trembled slightly, heart beginning to pound.

 

The hall was brightly lit with smooth walls painted an eggshell color, a light blue stripe running along each side. The linoleum floor echoed slightly as they walked, and the scent of isopropyl was impossible to miss.

 

"May I ask who you are in relation to the patient?" Dr. Maheswaran asked along their walk.

 

Lapis stared ahead. "I'm her- I'm her girlfriend."

 

"I see," the doctor nodded. She wrote something down on her clipboard.

 

“ _ I see _ .” What did she mean by that, exactly? Maybe that Lapis was overthinking things again….

 

Lapis walked about a foot behind Dr. Maheswaran, shoulders hunched, posture stiff. She cautiously looked around her, distracting herself with the subtle grooves in the paint of the pale walls. Tables of equipment filled the sides of the hall, nurses walking around but ignoring them for the most part.

 

Lapis startled a little when the doctor stopped suddenly, in front of a room near the end of the hall. The small plaque to the left of the door read Room 23. Lapis’s breath quickened when she saw the edge of the bed through the door’s small window. Peridot was in there.

 

Dr. Maheswaran turned to Lapis. “Now, I want you to speak softly to her. Only nice words; she  _ is  _ listening. And please do not touch her head or lower right arm, they’ll be healing for quite a while.”

 

Lapis nodded. “Got it.”

 

The door was opened. Currently, no doctors or nurses were inside. A million devices Lapis knew nothing about surrounded the bed, all making various quiet noises. The only one she understood was the monitor, beeping intermittently. She stepped forward, eyes unable to leave Peridot.

 

She looked _awful_. Her hair was messier than usual, and an unhealthy flush dusted her cheeks. A ventilator covered her mouth. And, worst of all, thick gauze wrapped around her head, covering her forehead, as well as her right arm. A few dark, almost bluish bruises peeked out from under the gauze. She noticed her dark green glasses lay atop her old hoodie on the table near the bed, though the clothing article appeared to be stained in dark, brownish red. Her prosthetic leg rested against the table.

 

Lapis’s eyes stung. Her chest ached, stomach hiding somewhere behind her ribcage. Her left arm clutched her right elbow, almost strong enough to bruise her skin.

 

Dr. Maheswaran looked from Peridot to Lapis. “As I said, she should be able to breathe without the ventilator within the next forty-eight hours. She’ll be out of the ICU in no time, but...”

 

Lapis finally seemed to snap back into reality as the words registered in her brain. “But what?” she asked suddenly, finally turning to look at the older woman beside her.

Dr. Maheswaran’s gaze suddenly softened. “But,” she sighed, “I’m afraid Peridot is in a coma.”


	2. And Now I Cannot Stop Pacing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis deals with the aftermath of hearing the worst news of her life.

It was Saturday. Thank God, she didn’t have work or classes today. One full day of rest. (Although, she’d technically already gotten her break, due to skipping work yesterday.) She did feel a little bad, but the thought of actually going to work that day felt even worse. It felt pretty terrible today, too. She didn’t want to do anything for the next year.

 

Lapis carefully opened her eyes, revealing the bright morning coming in through her window. Her bedspread nearly covered her, as she’d hidden herself under her blankets as if she were a child and apparently barely moved throughout the night.

 

She slowly sat up as her hand brushed against her pillow. She cringed a little as she noted it was a little damp with old tears, just where her head had been. Peridot’s alien plushie was right next to it.

 

It really wasn’t a dream, then. Or rather, the worst nightmare she could have ever conjured.

 

Last night didn’t really feel all too real. She’d been kicked out of the hospital shortly after seeing Peridot, as she couldn’t visit for long while she was in the ICU. She rode the bus home and collapsed onto her bed within seconds of entering her apartment.

 

She napped for a good four hours before she woke up and forced herself to get out of autopilot, let everything sink in, and  _ freakin’ eat something. _ She’d finally remembered to text Steven the news while she threw chopped up carrots into a pot with some ramen. The rest of the night, she sat around and watched that same dumb sitcom for a few hours until going back to bed and sleeping until morning.

 

Fourteen collective hours of sleep felt a  _ little  _ excessive, but she didn’t really care at this point. She didn’t even feel that well rested.

 

The Hawaiian rubbed her face, groaning quietly as she glanced over at the clock on her nightstand. 10:23 AM. Okay, she admitted it, fourteen hours was actually kind of excessive. She slowly got up out of bed, pulling some clean clothes out of her dresser and opening the bedroom door to freshen up in the bathroom.

 

She noted that Peridot’s door was closed. It took her a moment to remember that she had closed it herself last night, after retrieving the alien plushie. It’d been sitting on Peridot’s nightstand and seemed to be staring right at her, as if it needed comfort as well. She almost wanted to go back in, but couldn’t bring herself to do so. Maybe some other time.

 

As she slowly brushed her teeth, she wondered how Steven was doing. She’d forgotten what his reply to her text even was, too dazed to really think that night.

 

She remembered, suddenly, that Peridot had wanted to go to the Funland arcade today. Maybe that was why her plans seemed a million times emptier than usual. There was nothing to really distract her today. Peridot was still in the ICU, and she had been told to wait until she was stable enough to leave it. There wasn’t really any use visiting her now.

 

Lapis sighed as she stepped out of the bathroom minutes later. The next few weeks would be absolute hell, that was for sure. 

 

She turned on the TV, which was set to the local news channel, and went to the kitchen to pour a bowl of cereal. As she finished pouring the milk, something the anchor said caught her attention and made her turn around.

“...City bus headed for BCU was hit by an intoxicated driver Friday morning. The offender, who will be booked into jail as soon as he is released from the hospital, is expected to be charged with second-degree manslaughter.”

 

Lapis stepped towards the TV, bowl in hand, and sat down on the couch, eyes not leaving the screen. The headline read “ **2 dead, 13 injured in bus accident** ”. The perpetrator was fine. Of course it’s always the drunks that get off free. Who even drinks at eleven in the morning? The screen showed footage from after the crash, paramedics rushing around and tending to victims.

 

As if it all weren’t bad enough, what she caught in the background nearly made her drop her breakfast. There was a girl on a stretcher - messy blonde hair, glasses barely on her face, dark green hoodie with the right sleeve stained in dark red. There was blood  _ everywhere _ .

 

Lapis continued to stare at the screen, barely breathing, long after the broadcast had moved on to other subjects. Her cereal was slowly growing mushy. Her mind was blank, save for the image of Peridot’s barely-alive body that burned into her mind. The world didn’t feel real.

 

She was snapped out of her daze at some point by her phone vibrating in the pocket of her jeans. She pulled it out, illuminating the screen. A text from Steven.

 

**10:41 Steven:** **Hey Lapis, do you wanna hang out at my place today if you’re not busy? :)**

**10:41 Steven:** **You don’t have classes today right?**

 

Lapis stared at the screen for a moment before her free thumb moved over the keyboard. He seemed awfully happy… she supposed Steven was probably trying to distract the both of them. That kid repressed his feelings more than any person should.

 

**10:42 Me:** **sure, im free today**

**10 43 Me:** **i’ll be there in 30-60 minutes, i’m gonna walk..**

**10:43 Steven:** **Okay :)**

 

There was no way in  _ hell  _ she was taking the bus.

 

~~~ 

 

“Hi Lapis,” Steven smiled sympathetically as he opened the door, moving to let Lapis inside.

 

“Hey, Steven,” she smiled back. The world always seemed a bit brighter with him around, even in the worst of times. That kid had always been a ray of sunshine in the eight years she’d known him.

Steven turned and walked up the stairs to the loft before plopping down on his bed. “I… thought we could just play some games for a while or watch a movie, if you’re alright with it,” he said, “Wanna play Double Dash?”

 

Lapis chuckled before sitting down on the loft’s wooden floor, picking up a Gamecube controller. “Sure.”

 

The two played for a bit in a respectable silence, Steven groaning affectionately when Lapis took the in-game first place trophy for the third time that day. For a short while, Lapis forgot about how ultimately lonely she was now, how she’d be returning to a dark, empty apartment tonight that had little hope of housing the same pair again.

 

Steven took a deep breath beside her before finally speaking minutes later. “So, um, what happened, exactly? With Peridot?”

 

Lapis glanced back at him for a moment but mostly kept her eyes on the screen. “Bus crashed on the way to BCU, she got a real bad concussion or something. The doctors said she should wake up in about a month,” she said dryly. Her hands trembled slightly as she gripped the controller.

 

“Oh… okay,” Steven spoke despondently, “when can we go see her?”

 

“Now, I guess, but only for a bit. They said she could be in Intensive Care for a while.”

“I’ll visit her tomorrow, then,” she heard Steven smile, “if Garnet or Pearl aren’t busy.”

 

As the race on their screen came to an end, Lapis heard Steven shift behind her as he slid off his bed and and onto the floor. She jumped slightly as the teen carefully put his arms around her, hugging her close to him.

 

Lapis turned to look at him before a watery smile pulled at her lips and she hugged him back. She could have sworn she heard him sniffle, but wasn’t really that surprised.  _ So he really  _ was _ hiding his feelings _ , Lapis thought,  _ probably for my sake…. _

 

The pair continued playing games, watching movies and eating snacks for the next few hours, eventually being accompanied by Amethyst, before Lapis decided she needed to go home and get some rest.

 

Lapis strolled along the beach, earbuds blasting one of Halsey’s usual somber tunes. The air was cold and crisp, a result of October colliding with the ocean, breeze toussling her blue hair. She walked lost in thought, silently wondering what was going on in the hospital and when Peridot would wake up. 

 

As she breathed in the salty air, she felt her phone buzz in the pocket of her denim jacket. She pulled the device out, glancing at the caller ID. The hospital. The bluenette answered it without a second thought, tucking the phone away and resolving to use the mics built into her earbuds. “Hello?” she spoke calmly, despite how jittery she felt.

 

“Hello, Lapis Mahoe?” the nurse on the other end replied.

 

“Yeah, that’s me… what’s up? I-is Peridot okay?”

 

“Yes. Peridot no longer needs the ventilator and was just moved out of the ICU. She’s in room 306. Visiting hours end at eight, but you can come see her for a while.”

 

“O-oh! Okay, thank you so much.” Lapis’s lips couldn't help but pull into a relieved smile. She listened as the nurse bid her farewell and hung up and Halsey’s airy voice returned. 

 

As she exited the beach and stepped onto the sidewalk, Lapis remembered the hotel was a good few miles away; with no Uber available to her, it was either walk forever or take a bus. She didn’t really have a choice.

 

The Hawaiian shivered against the cold evening air as her gaze locked onto a nearby bus stop. She jogged over to it and quickly sat down, sighing. Her phone’s clock read 6:36. The bus would probably come in a few minutes.

 

She stared up at the sky, bus pass in hand, as one of Imagine Dragon’s softer tracks faded into her ears. The sky was mostly cloudless, a deep sapphire becoming littered with stars that faded into ruby at the horizon.

 

She was interrupted from her moment of respite when a bus turned the corner and its lights assaulted her eyesight. She stared as it stopped before her and opened its doors.

 

_ Crap,  _ she thought,  _ I have to actually get on now. _ She wasn't actually ready for this, was she?

She stood up, legs about as strong and solid as a rotten banana, shakily walking up the steps and tapping her pass against the small machine. She found an empty seat near the back and plopped down. At least the vehicle wasn’t super full today.

 

She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths as the bus began to move again. Her hands clutched the denim fabric over her knees.  _ We’re not gonna die tonight,  _ she reminded herself,  _ we’re gonna stand and keep going. _

 

Anxiety must make things go a hell of a lot faster, because before Lapis knew it, the bus was already slowing to a stop in front of the hospital. She quickly stood up and tapped her card to get off, mumbling a “thank you” to the driver before stepping onto the pavement.

 

She looked up and around herself to ensure that she was in the right place. Yep, the hospital was right there in front of her. And the bus, which she’d safely ridden, was wheeling away behind her. She’d lived.

 

Smiling a bit to herself, Lapis walked forward, towards the doors that lead to the building’s warm lobby and stepped inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand we're back with another chapter woo! i'll try to keep updates as consistent as possible but i have school starting in under a week (f) so that might be difficult. D:  
> tune in to the next chapter where lapis actually goes inside for longer than a sentence! and as always be sure to kudos + comment if you enjoyed. thanks for reading!! :D


	3. Give Me a Few Hours, I'll Have This All Sorted Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis finally visits Peridot now that she's out of ICU. Meanwhile, Peridot fails a friendship attempt.

Peridot awoke slowly to the sounds of birds and a breeze, with a very faint yet steady beeping in the back of her mind. Her tired eyes cracked open slowly against the sunlight. Why had she been sleeping again? The surface beneath her felt hard and wooden; no one in their right mind would want to sleep there.

 

She rubbed at her face as she sat up to take in her surroundings. She drew her hand back in surprise as she felt something cool and solid where her eyes would be.

 

First of all, her skin was green. Second, she noticed she was wearing a weird v-neck with green leggings. Third, she managed to remove the solid object from her face with some caution. It was a visor. Fourth,  _ her skin was green. _

 

She placed the visor back on and stared around the room. She was in some kind of barn with dark wood walls and a high ceiling. The far sides each had their own lofts, the door was wide open, and above it was a… truck? It was halfway wedged between the wall. That totally wasn’t strange.

 

As if the truck wasn’t odd enough, there were several interesting…  _ artifacts _ around the room. A bunch of toilets piled against the back wall, A baseball bat and glove, a broken tape recorder tied together with a ribbon… It was a bit unsettling, to say the least. The only reasonable object was an old hammock hung up among piles of junk.

 

As she stood up, stumbling a bit, she felt at her hair. It was soft but very stiff, and as she felt around it, she discovered it seemed to be in a triangle shape. She sighed. This was seven kinds of  _ weird _ .

 

She cautiously stepped out of the barn and out into the open. She nearly tripped, sensing that something with the way her legs worked was different, though she couldn’t place her finger on it. Walking was going to take some getting used to, she figured. She sighed as her feet made contact with the grass. It was soft and cool beneath her feet. She gazed out into the large fields of crops growing meters before her, assessing their contents: corn, pumpkins, tomatoes… Whatever weirdos lived in this place sure seemed to know how to farm.

 

She carefully stepped forward and admired the scenery. The breeze was gentle, the sunlight warm. The clouds were the softest things she’d ever laid eyes on. She took in the sounds of birds and cows in the distance, all singing their own melodies. This place was the very epitome of peace.

 

To her left, she noticed, was a smaller-than-average-looking lake. She stepped towards it and gazed in, searching for her reflection, and gasped. She looked completely  _ alien. _ Not that she was  _ complaining, _ but it was certainly bizarre. Her face felt so familiar, as if she’d been this way for millennia, but it didn’t seem right or normal. She was going crazy.

 

As she explored the sunlit pumpkin patch, loneliness couldn't help but bite into her. Country spanned for miles, what she thought was a city just a distant blur upon the horizon. There were no other people around to keep her company.

 

Not that she’d ever really been a  _ fan  _ of company; she was sure she’d been basically alone her entire life, which had its own many perks, but… the thought of having to spend possibly forever in this place with only birds and vegetables to talk to  _ did  _ make her shoulders droop.

 

As she took another long look around the countryside, she mentally slapped herself at what she saw. Up there, on the barn’s roof, was a  _ person _ . How had she not noticed them before?!

 

It was… a girl? Sitting on the roof of the barn. From the distance, Peridot made out that she was bright blue, with a long dark blue skirt that matched her short hair. Did everyone come in weird colors?

 

Peridot jogged back over to the barn, trying to find a way onto the roof. Climbing the silo jutting out of the structure didn’t seem like a great idea, and the truck was way too high up to reach. As she never recalled there being a ladder in the barn, Peridot had to do the only thing she could: yell.

 

“H...hey!” she sputtered up at the stranger. Talking felt weird. “Hello?! Can you hear me? Helloooooo-”

 

The blue girl turned around suddenly and looked down at Peridot. She seemed surprised, standing up and walking towards the edge of the roof as a pair of liquid wings extended from her back and allowed her to softly float to the ground. 

 

Peridot found it hard not to stare at the stranger, and not just because she was the only thing actually worth looking at. Her eyes were like small mirrors, Peridot seeing her own reflection in them clear as day, with no pupils to signify that they were even eyes at all. The gentle breeze tousled her electric blue hair and long skirt. Small yellow freckles lined her face and shoulders, difficult to see from afar, but from where Peridot stood, her cheeks painted a galaxy.

 

The girl stared back at her, gently rubbing an elbow with her opposite hand. Peridot cleared her throat, looking away as her cheeks darkened.

 

“Um,” she started, failing to disguise the anxiety in her tone, “I seem to be lost around here, and I would appreciate a bit of help, so… may I ask who you are?”

 

The girl opened her mouth, and then immediately closed it, words unable to form, a look apprehension and… was that  _ guilt?  _ Lining her features.

 

This was getting more awkward by the second. “I… I don’t really know if I have a name, myself... I have a hunch it starts with a “P”, though, strangely.” She gazed at the dirt, whether in contemplation or to hide her heated cheeks, she wasn’t really certain. “You don’t need to be afraid or anything!” she suddenly held out a hand and grinned a bit sheepishly.

 

The girl stared at her hand for a moment, before hesitantly extending her own and taking it.

 

Peridot felt the warmth of living contact, but before she could realize she’d even missed it at all, there was…  _ nothing. _ In just a split second, the stranger was gone, as if she’d faded with the wind. Peridot was alone in the countryside again.

 

~~~

 

Lapis walked across the cool linoleum floor, eyes wandering around the walls of the hallway she’d been spending more and more time in.

 

_ Room 217. 217, 217, 217 _ , she repeated in her mind. Second floor, thank  _ God _ . She wouldn’t have to trek up a million flights of stairs. As her eyes scanned the numbered plaques next to each door, the knot in her stomach grew tighter and tighter. Peridot was in here somewhere,  _ not  _ waiting for her. She absentmindedly wiped her clammy palms on her jeans before stopping suddenly at a door, staring at the numbered plaque.  _ Her  _ door.

 

Room 217. The door was wooden, a single, large window adorning the upper half, similar to those one would find in a school. With a hand that trembled ever-so-slightly, she pushed the latch downward and moved the door open.

 

The room was more spacious than the one below them, though that was due in part to the fact that Peridot now required far less machinery to keep her alive. There was a small wooden chair to the left of the bed, and a soft-looking couch to its right, beneath a large window among beige walls that revealed the inky black sky. The fluorescent lights cast their trademark unnatural glow, a bit too bright for her liking; Lapis figured they’d be turned off once visiting hours ended.

 

The clock on the wall read 7:18. She had an hour and forty minutes until non-family would be shoved out the doors; better make the most of it, then.

 

“Peridot…” Lapis’s stomach churned uncomfortably as she regarded her lover’s still figure, hands curling and uncurling into fidgety fists. She shook her head and pulled the brown wooden chair a little closer to the bed before plopping down into it, gently taking Peridot’s hand in her own. It was cooler than normal, limp and nearly lifeless. She rubbed her thumb over Peridot’s knuckle.

 

“I… I don’t even know what to say, honestly…. I wish this never happened, I feel like this is my fault…”

 

“ _ Only nice words; she is listening. _ ” Dr. Maheswaran’s words echoed in her mind.

 

_ Right. _

 

“I, um… I can’t wait for you to wake up…” Lapis feigned hopefulness, “maybe we can go to Funland like we planned. And I hope the CPH fandom doesn’t go ballistic with you gone.” She chuckled a bit.

 

The Hawaiian’s eyes wandered around the room aimlessly as she pondered what to say next. One-sided conversations were never easy, she realized.

 

Lapis groaned quietly in the back of her throat, leaning back in her seat, at a loss for words. She pulled a paperback book out of her bag and opened it up.

 

“You might like this book, you know,” she looked back at Peridot, “it’s about a weird, old-ass house that someone probably died in. I think the main character’s a little psycho, too. Probably not as good as Piercy fanfiction, though...” she smiled a little, despite the fact that she absolutely hated small talk.

 

Despite how she tried to concentrate on the story, the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor pulled her attention. It thumped within her mind, steady and piercing. A reminder that Peridot was safe and alive.

 

There were so many machines, so many tubes and tools all around them. It felt unnatural, took away from the vibrant life Peridot led. Lapis scooted closer to the bed and sighed.

 

“I wish I could have been there… n-not like,  _ there  _ there, but…” she spoke, “I just wish I could have helped you through it more. I guess I really am a terrible girlfriend.” she chuckled darkly.

 

_ Only nice words. _

 

“I-I don’t know how long you’re gonna be in here, but I’ll visit as often as I can. A-and when you wake up, I won’t leave your side... until you want me to,” she sighed. Peridot had always been the clingier one; Lapis was sure she’d be giving herself that title in the coming months.

 

“I’ll be here with you, I swear.” She glanced at the round, white clock on the wall. Where had the time gone? She needed to leave soon if she wanted to be at her morning class on time. Lapis stood up, placing her book in her bag and grasping Peridot’s cool hand a little tighter. She carefully leaned down and kissed her forehead, minding the bandages, before standing back up again.

 

“See you tomorrow, Peri,” she turned towards the door and gripped the latch. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shows up to my own fic 1 month late with starbucks  
> HEY guys hows it goin im Finally Bacc with another chapter  
> sorry this one took like forever i had some trouble ghdaglkjsdkl i started school a few weeks ago so updates will probably slow down :( this hurts me more than it hurts you  
> BUT ANYWAY hope yall enjoyed !!! see ya with chapter 4!!


	4. If My Mind Would Just Stop Racing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis makes a much needed phone call and then pours lattes for a few hours, while Peridot walks across Delmarva and hears weird noises inside her head.

_ I’ll be here with you, I swear.  _

 

Lapis shielded her eyes against the bright morning light. An obnoxious 80s pop tune blared from her vibrating phone, signaling that her peaceful slumber had come to an end. She quickly shoved herself off her bed, trying to forget the blissful feeling of being half-asleep as soon as possible so as to not miss it, grabbing some clean clothes to get ready for the day.

 

As she tiredly whisked a pan of cracked eggs with one hand not twenty minutes later, her other pulled out her phone and tapped the number for Peridot’s workplace into the dialpad before placing the device by her ear. She should’ve done this on Friday, how had she managed to forget for so long?

 

She took a deep breath, steeling herself. It wasn’t long before the phone picked up, a nasally, vaguely snooty voice filling her ears. “Hello, this is Topaz’s Tech. How may we help you?”

 

Of all the names in the world they could have picked, they really went with that one?. “Hi, uh, this is Lapis, Peridot’s girlfriend…” 

 

“Oh!” the woman on the other end responded. “Her shift started an hour ago, where is she?”

 

“She’s…” Lapis took another deep breath. “She can’t come to work for a while, she was in an accident. She’s in a coma.”

 

A few painful seconds of silence. Lapis’s eyes never left the pile of yolk sloshing around in the pan. “...Oh. That’s… I’m sorry. Just… just be sure to call when she’s checked out of the hospital. You can have a discount on your next repair, if you’d like.”

 

Lapis smiled a bit. “Uh, sure, I’d like that, thanks. Good luck, um… without her…”

 

“Thank you... Have a good day, ma’am!”

 

One awkward goodbye later, and she heard the familiar  _ click  _ of being hung up on. It could have gone worse, she supposed.

 

The hawaiian sighed as she scraped her breakfast off the surface of the pan before it could stick, quickly dumping a bit of salt onto it with her other hand. At least she’d have her marine biology class to distract her soon.

 

~~~

 

The smooth scent of pumpkin and cream wafted through the air before Lapis contained it under a plastic lid, placing it on the counter and belting out the name written on the cup. As tedious as it was to have to pour concoctions with little variety over and over for several hours, it was better than nothing. Or anything else, really. At least it smelled nice and she got free coffee out of it... Even so, Lapis figured she’d rather be in the back as opposed to dealing with the elderly white folk who wandered in every now and then.

 

Carnelian turned to her, holding out another cup. “Can I get a mocha with sugar?” Lapis nodded, as if she had a choice, and reached out to take it. The door to the employees only room swung open, Holly Agate’s slightly narrowed gaze directed towards Lapis.

 

“My office, Mahoe,” she spoke before turning around and stepping back into her office.

 

_ Welp, she was doomed.  _ Her coworkers all stared at her and grimaced as she hesitantly left the counter and walked through the  _ Employees Only  _ door.

 

“So, Lapis,” Holly spoke, “I was informed that you had to skip your Friday shift with… a rather  _ short _ notice. Care to explain?” Lapis took a shallow breath, eyes darting around the room, clutching her wrist with the opposite hand.  _ Shit, I’m totally going to be fired. This is what I get for caring about other people. I’m doomed, I’m going to go bankrupt, Peridot won’t be working for weeks, we’re going to live in a box on the side of the road for the next thirty years. This is the end of the line. _

 

She shook her head briefly, clearing her mind, before speaking. She could spiral later. “I… I don’t know if Carnelian told you, but my girlfriend was in an accident on Friday and I was waiting for her to get out of the ER. That’s why I couldn’t come in.”

 

Holly, who was clearly ready to throw hands, appeared mildly taken aback. Her shoulders drooped a bit. “Oh,” she simply said. “I’m very sorry to hear that, Lapis.” Lapis forced a nervous smile and avoided her gaze.

 

Holly cleared her throat and leaned back in her seat. “Well, Lapis, you’re one of our...  _ better _ employees, so I’ll let this slide. Just don’t let it happen again. And I hope your…  _ partner _ … gets better soon. You may go back to work now.”

The Hawaiian nodded and stepped towards the door. “Thanks,” she mumbled. “I do, too.”

 

The door closed behind her almost silently, and she was given hardly any respite as the noisy chatter of the cafe returned. Lapis almost smiled.  _ Holy crap, I’m alive, _ she thought to herself.

 

~~~

 

Peridot strolled along the beach beneath the sky as it faded from black to sapphire. The sun cast a brilliant, blinding golden glow across the sea and cliffside. The empty countryside had gotten tiresome, with no one to share it with besides the trees. At some point she’d found herself wandering farther and farther away from the strange barn she’d awoken in, walking for miles until she reached a city.

 

It was less of a city, and more of a ghost town. She’d explored every building she could get into, and found not one living soul. The entire town was empty.

 

For as long as her memory spanned, there’d been a strange beeping that played in her mind with no end. She’d managed to tune it out quickly, but in quieter moments, it was all she could focus on. It was strange. Occasionally she’d hear other noises in the back of her mind as well-the shifting of fabric, footsteps, doors opening and closing,  _ voices.  _ She didn’t pay much mind to most of them. Sometimes there were two people mumbling to each other, sometimes it was a kind voice talking about something called “bedsores”, and sometimes it was a smooth,  _ beautiful _ voice that Peridot could never tune out. When that voice came, she’d stop dead in her tracks and listen with all her might.

 

The voice was soft and gentle. It was calm and soothing, as if trying to sound reassuring, but contained this underlying grief and sadness that it tried so desperately to hide. It sounded like the gentlest of ocean waves, one that flowed over your body carefully. It pushed you forward just a tiny bit, but never pulled you down, even if it could. It had the potential of a tsunami, yet refused to use it.

 

Deciphering what these voices said was like learning another language; words came in jumbles, cutting out between sentences and leaving hardly anything. The more she heard a particular voice, the more words she could decipher. She quickly noted that every time her favorite voice came, there would always be three words spoken without fail: “I love you”. It was odd.

 

As she strolled, lost in thought, as usual, a new sound filled her mind. High, gentle and happy, sound only truly lasting for a second before gradually fading out. It sounded like if the beach were a song. Seconds later, the voice returned. Peridot slowed her pace, smiling to herself. She’d missed the voice.

She continued strolling along the damp sand by the shore, paying close attention to the voice as she rounded a corner. Its speaking patterns, she noticed through the mental fog, were different than usual. One short sentence, then a pause. Then another, one that usually rhymed.

 

“ _ Wise men … rush in … can’t help fall… with you. … Stay, would it be … if I … falling in love … you.” _

 

Even if she couldn’t understand it entirely, she couldn’t deny that it sounded lovely. She awaited more on bated breath.

 

As she got closer to that strange, empty house on the beach, the voice became louder and clearer, sentences fuller. It surprised her.

 

_ “Like a river flows… sea … Darling, so it … some things … to be.” _

 

And there it was, on the house’s porch. That strange blue girl from before, standing at the porch railings and staring out at the sea. As she got closer, she noticed her mouth was moving.

 

As Peridot put her foot on the first step, she was bombarded by a wave of dizziness as clear  _ sound  _ rushed into her mind. 

 

_ “Take my hand, and take my whole life too….” _

 

Peridot immediately began running up the rest of the steps, whirling around before stopping behind the girl. Her hair flowed gently in the faint breeze, along with her skirt and the ribbons at the nape of her neck. 

 

She did not acknowledge Peridot’s presence, merely kept on… singing. She was the one singing...

 

Peridot came and stood next to her, unable to find words. She stared up at her reflection in those mirror-like eyes. 

 

“ _ ‘Cause I can’t help…”  _ The girl finally met Peridot’s gaze and smiled something small and warm. _ “Falling in love with… you.” _

 

Peridot swore she had entire galaxies in her own eyes. This woman, despite being the only other person around, was surely the most incredible thing she’d ever seen. 

 

Peridot pushed her jaw closed, realizing it was hanging open. “Who  _ are _ you?” she asked quietly.  The girl, whom Peridot was by now sure was an actual angel, chuckled. Her voice was like if clouds could speak.

 

She held out her hand, yet said nothing. Why wasn’t she properly responding? Peridot swore the beeping in her mind grew louder as she hesitantly reached her own hand out. Remembering what happened last time, she suddenly retracted it and held it at her side.

 

“Last time we touched, you disappeared…” she said. “I’d rather stay with you instead.” The girl smiled softly and nodded before sitting down, back against the railings, looking to Peridot as if to say  _ “Come join me”. _

 

Peridot plopped down next to her, staring at the cliffside in front of them. “You don’t like talking, huh? That’s okay…” she smiled up at her new companion. “I don’t like talking sometimes, either.”

 

They sat in silence for several moments, listening to the ocean crash against the shore down below, before the voice once again resounded in her mind, loud and clear this time.

 

_ “I gotta go now, I guess.”  _ Fabric shifting. Peridot looked to her right, noting that the voice was now coming from a specific direction... “ _ I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”  _ A weird, yet comfortable warmth filled her forehead and left hand as the girl beside her’s lips moved in time with the voice. “ _ Love you, Peridot.” _

 

~~~

 

Lapis loosened her grip on the small ukulele in her lap as the final chord faded out. She smiled gently at Peridot, hands tightening around the instrument once more when Peridot turned her head slightly to the side, fingers flexing a bit.  _ Any day now…. _

 

Lapis wondered if Peridot had heard any of the song, wherever her mind was. Did coma patients dream? As cheesy as it was, they both always seemed to enjoy hearing it, especially when one of them was playing it. She fondly remembered the day Peridot came home from her secret ukulele lessons with Steven, carrying their own new instrument, serenading Lapis with Elvis’s popular tune. Lapis blushed and nearly cried, fighting the urge to laugh at how ridiculous it all was.

 

She couldn’t wait to go back to that; back to just them, enjoying life together. 

 

Lapis sighed, noticing how late it was getting to be. “I gotta go now, I guess,” she said, standing up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

 

She carefully took Peridot’s left hand in her own, eyes drifting over her right, shoulders drooping as she looked over the thick gauze adorning it. She hoped Peridot would be able to write properly again….

 

She tenderly kissed her on the forehead, as had become routine for her at this point, before standing back up and picking up the ukulele. “Love you, Peridot.”

 

_ Please wake up soon... _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it again at krispy kreme (kicks over a sign)  
> longest chapter so far YEET (also did you enjoy the chapter summary i tried to explain it as horribly as possible)  
> jus gonna note some things:  
> -i changed the chapter titles if you havent noticed, they're going to be lyrics from "somewhere in between" (lifehouse) since i thought they fit better!  
> -the next few chapters are gonna be hella fun if you catch my drift hold on to ur funko pops boys  
> -i wrote the dream scene in september while listening to annapantsu's cover of can't help falling in love so... thats why thats in there! i honestly could have picked any other song but eh, t'is a classic X) hc that lapis is secretly super cheesy,,, (or is that just canon)  
> big thanks to lapislazuleaf for beta-ing this chapter!! (go check out their stuff theyre Supa Cool :eyes:)   
> edit: ALSO, my tumblr is evevoli03.tumblr.com/ in case anyone wants to follow me there! :D  
> see you guys with the next chapter i hope ur excited and if it doesnt get uploaded soon enough, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!


	5. I Cannot Stand Still, I Can't Be This Unsturdy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween comes to Beach City.

Lapis strolled down the hallway, humming the tune of an old pop song as she entered Peridot’s room. “Hey, I’m back,” she said casually. She gave her lover a soft kiss on the forehead, before pouring the cup of water in her hand into the flower vase near the window.

The flowers, brought in by Steven and Pearl, had been there for a week, and were still doing quite well. They were green carnations, the only flower Peridot ever really admired. She wondered if Peridot would still want to go through with her plan of getting a better place and covering it in flowers, complete with a large vegetable garden and a corgi. It wasn’t viable in their current apartment, whose deck was only large enough to hold a plastic chair and a few flower pots.

Lapis sat down in her usual seat, sighing and taking Peridot’s hand gently, as she usually did. Today was finally Halloween; two weeks since the accident. It was reasonable to believe Peridot could wake up any day now.

A fond memory surfaced in her mind as she thought of the holiday. Waking up one year ago to “Spooky Scary Skeletons” blaring in her ear, followed by Peridot’s maniacal giggling. It was a mere thirteen seconds before Lapis had sprung up in their bed, smacking her girlfriend with her pillow and starting a small laughter-filled fight. She smiled a little.

She was pulled from her thoughts as her phone vibrated in her pocket, alerting her of a new text from Steven.

Steven: Me Amethyst and Connie are gonna hang out and watch scary movies before we go trick-or-treating. you wanna come?? :D

Lapis quickly analyzed the request and all it entailed, reviewing the lack of activities she had to do that day, now that work and class were out of the way. Her usual Halloween tradition consisted of buying more candy than necessary and watching bad movies with Peridot while tending to the occasional trick-or-treaters. But with Peridot gone....

She shrugged to herself, tapping out a reply.

Me: sure i’ll be there at 4

Steven responded with an array of smiley-face emojis, followed by a pumpkin. 

It was 2:23, which meant she had about twenty minutes before she should head out, knowing the city buses.

“Steven invited me to his house for the evening,” Lapis told Peridot. “It’s Halloween now. I promise I won’t take down the decorations until you’re home.” She looked out the window at the red and orange trees in the distance. The leaves were her favorite part of fall. “Maybe when you get back we can buy candy and watch scary movies like we usually do, even if it’s… even if it’s January by then.”

It wasn’t long before her twenty minutes were up. She put her phone back in her pocket and stood up. “If… If I’m not back tonight, I promise I’ll be here tomorrow, okay? Happy Halloween, Peri.”

Peridot shifted a bit, eyes twitching behind their lids. Lapis’s throat tightened. She was slowly getting better. It couldn’t be long, now, until she...

Lapis left her a quick peck on the nose before turning to leave. “Love you, as always.”

~~~~~

Lapis slowly trekked up the stairs leading to Steven’s porch. As much as she loved Steven, she was starting to doubt if the long walk through the town and across the beach was really worth it. If only she had wings.

Taking a moment to catch her breath, she quickly rapped against the wooden part of the door and stood up straight. It only took a few seconds for Steven to practically fly down the loft stairs and open the door with a huge smile on his face.

“Hi Lapis, happy Halloween!” he grinned and wrapped his arms around her torso. Lapis laughed and hugged him back, taking note of his costume. He was wearing the worst ladybug onesie ever created, complete with a mask, but he somehow made it work.

The pair then stepped into the house and Steven led her up to his loft, the light pink curtains that surrounded it drawn back like they usually were. Lapis caught sight of Amethyst and Connie, who was in-costume, Amethyst holding a bowl of popcorn and looking like not eating it all was the biggest struggle on Earth.

Connie had on, strangely enough, a black… catsuit? Complete with cat ears and a mask that lay on the floor beside her. Amethyst had clearly put in as little effort as possible this year, as all she seemingly had was a large rubber horse mask lying next to her, along with a black cape. Lapis felt a tiny bit better about her own costume; it was a black cloak and witches’ hat she’d dug out from a previous year, thrown over her t-shirt and jeans. She’d draped Peridot’s old green scarf around her neck to make up for the lack of green face paint.

“Hey, Lapis!” Connie smiled at her from the bed as she sat down on the floor. Amethyst offered a smirk and a peace sign as greeting.

“Hey,” Lapis waved. “So, what are we doing tonight?” She tried to hide the awkwardness in her voice.

Steven piped up excitedly. “We’re gonna watch scary movies together, and then at eight we’re all going trick-or-treating! Amethyst is chaperoning.”

“I don’t have to, but like, it’s free candy,” Amethyst chuckled. “That’s solid reasoning, right?”

“I think that’s what everyone else is thinking, too… No one in this town is really younger than ten,” Connie laughed. 

“...Okay, so,” Steven derailed the subject. “We were thinking we could all watch The Shining.”

Lapis looked at him quizzically. “Are you sure Pearl and Garnet are okay with you guys watching that?”

Amethyst shrugged. “Garnet said it was fine.”

“I decided not to tell my parents…” Connie gazed at her feet.

Lapis shrugged herself in resignation. “Alright... let's do this, then.”

The next hour was spent with Steven and Connie hiding their faces in the other’s shoulders as screams rang out from the television.

~~~~~

The group of “kids” strolled along the sidewalks of Beach City’s neighborhood. Lapis looked down at the orange bag Steven had given her. Surprisingly, it had accumulated a decent amount of candy. Half the people at the houses they visited assumed she was a chaperone (which she kind of was), and the other half were generous enough to give her candy as well… mostly due to the fact that the city had a smaller-than-average population of younger children.

She laughed a bit as Amethyst jumped out of the nearby bushes at some teenagers, screaming through the mouth of the rubber horse mask.

She sighed into the crisp autumn air. Today was Peridot’s favorite day of the year, and she was missing it because of some stupid drunk driver. Lapis wondered if tonight was the night on which they'd finally be reunited. Each day began with bated breath, questioning if it was the one where everything would go back to normal. Each day ended with an unspoken disappointment. A quiet, empty part of her wondered if Peridot would ever wake up at all.

Lapis had never really been one to rely on hope, as that was mostly Steven’s deal. But this was entirely different; hope was the only thing she had to guide her anymore. There would be no confirmation, no knowing what would happen and when. She didn’t have knowledge of the future… just the hope that the one she wanted would come soon.

“You okay, man? You’re, uh, crying...” Amethyst, in her ridiculous mask, looked up at her, presumably with concern. Lapis shook her head quickly to clear her mind, not realizing she’d been spacing out for a few minutes now.

“W-what?” She wiped her cheek; she hadn’t even felt it get wet. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Amethyst took off the mask and looked ahead at Steven and Connie, who were chattering amongst themselves, and looked back at Lapis with a slight grimace.

“You thinkin’ about Peridot?”

Lapis’s shoulders drooped. There didn't seem to be any use trying to hide her feelings from someone raised by Rose Quadrozzi, if Steven was anything to go by. Her breath hitched as she fought back more tears. “Y-yeah... Halloween’s her favorite holiday.”

“Yeesh... Well, hey, I'm sure she'll be up and runnin’ before you know it. And you can always eat candy any day of the year! Hell, it’s what I do all the time.”

Lapis laughed something watery. “That’s what I was thinking… Thanks, Amethyst.”

“No prob. Pearl knows at least three things about medical injuries, ‘n’ she told Steven Peridactyl’ll be fine. You got nothin’ to worry about, y’know? Just gotta wait, is all.”

While Lapis found flaw in the “nothing to worry about” statement, she chose to nod in appreciation. “You’re right… she probably will be fine.” She hoped to God she wasn’t lying.

“Aren’t I always?” Amethyst slipped the mask back on with a smirk as they reached another doorstep, Connie ringing the bell.

“Trick or treat!” Lapis was seriously too old to be doing this.

~~~~~

Lapis stared up at the dark ceiling of her room. She shivered under her blanket at the cold creeping in through the barely-open window. She could always close it, but she appreciated the sound of the city and the distant shore. She felt the silence of the room would kill her.

She took a deep breath as her mind swam with thoughts. Peridot’s old alien plush sat near her shoulder, providing comfort. It still smelled like her.

She found it difficult to sleep. Resting after the excitement of Halloween was never easy, but it felt even harder with all that was going on in her life.

She wondered, for the upteenth time that day, when Peridot would actually wake up. Scenario after scenario danced through her head. A thousand apologies and “I missed you”s and “I love you”s and “I’ll never leave you again”s. Then Peridot would come home with her and go back to work and school, and everything would be back to normal. They could put the long and painful month behind them and focus on the future. On their future.

She turned to her side and closed her eyes, holding the alien close to her chest. She could never get used to how light and empty her once-shared bed now felt.

Peridot’s room had never really been Peridot’s room, more so the place the pair kept all their extra junk and abstract art pieces in. There was a small bed in there with a nightstand, but it lacked sheets and housed everything but Peridot. The room was mostly full of art supplies, the desk Peridot actually did her work at, and various unfinished technology projects. Peridot and Lapis had almost always fallen asleep together, in “her” room... But for the past two weeks, she’d been completely alone.

Lapis groaned and turned back to face the opposite side of the room. The view of the ocean from outside was more welcomed to her than the empty wall. Her eyes drifted to the small ukulele on the floor, leaning against her wooden nightstand. She leaned down and picked it up, running her hand along the smooth finish as she sat up. She felt the small grooves along the dark wood where she and Peridot had customized the instrument. Bright green and blue acrylic waves ran along the body and danced around at the headstock. It stood out from every other ukulele in existence, representing that it was theirs.

She gave the strings a few experimental strums, instantly feeling more relaxed at the gentle sound that followed. She thought for a moment, before deciding on what song to play. She strummed through the intro, looking down at the alien plushie and smiling. It was a sweet electronica song Peridot used to like.

“I could never find the right way to tell you; Have you noticed I’ve been gone?” she breezed through the song as she watched her fingers dance along the neck of the small instrument.

“Because I left behind the home that you made us; But I will carry it along.” She almost heard the steady rhythm of the heart rate monitor around her.

“And it’s a long way forward, so trust in me; I’ll give them shelter, like you’ve done for me. But I know I’m not alone; You’ll be watching over us, until you’re gone.”

She continued playing to the very last chord, before setting the instrument back on the floor with a sigh and flopping down on the bed, finally comfortable. Warm thoughts of Peridot, the conscious, healthy person she knew fluttered throughout her mind. She was asleep within minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (if you didn't already know, the song lapis was playing is Shelter by Porter Robinson!)  
> heyyyy folks wassup. i'm happy i got to finish this when i did, theater performance week is about to start for me which will take away all my writing time X)  
> i'm really excited to write the next to chapters git Ready >:D  
> happy very late halloween, remember to leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed! see yall in the next chapter <33


	6. This Cannot Be Happening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis had a good feeling about today.

“So, how has Peridot been doing since we visited her?”

 

Lapis looked up from the puzzle on the coffee table at the older woman sharing the couch with her. Pearl smiled sympathetically at her as she gently rubbed the teacup in her hands. Steven watched her with a look of curiosity, as if he had been meaning to ask the same question.

 

Lapis looked back down at the puzzle to avoid their gazes. It was a field of bright green and blue flowers. Normally, she hated jigsaw puzzles, but Steven had really wanted to do this one with her. “She's doing better… her injuries are almost done healing and she's been moving around more. Dr. Maheswaran told me she could wake up any day, now.”

 

“That's great!” Steven chirped. Lapis smiled down at him.

 

“They should be taking off the bandages on her head in about a week, too. But...” she trailed off.

 

“But what?”

 

“They’re worried she might not be able to use her arm properly again, since she has a... muscle contusion, I think it was. She’ll have physical therapy when she wakes up or something, I don’t really know all the details.” Lapis’s words came out rushed. As Steven placed another puzzle piece into its correct place, Lapis sipped her tea and looked out the window. The sunset was beautiful, the ocean reflecting the sky’s orange. The tea was a little bitter, like the autumn wind that always blew sand into her hair when she walked along the beach. She missed summer. Things were better then.

 

Pearl smiled down at Steven and put a small piece onto the puzzle. “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” she reassured, “She was never one to let something like a bus collision bring her down, now was she?”

 

Lapis breathed out a small laugh. “Hm, not really. You know, she’s actually been mumbling a bit. I’ve even heard my name a few times...” she smiled into her teacup.

 

“Wow, really?!” Steven grinned. “I'm so glad.”

 

“Ha, me too,” she smiled contentedly.

 

~~~~~

 

“Spinny thing,” Peridot quietly commanded. She carefully took a small red screwdriver from Lapis’s outstretched hand, smiling at her as thanks and being careful not to make any contact with her. The first time they’d touched, she’d disappeared; they couldn’t risk that happening again.

 

She inserted the screwdriver into what she believed to be a fitting groove and turned, carefully pulling off the plastic panel on the old television that once sat peacefully on the loft. What appeared behind it was a mess of cables and boards. The mass of technology was the second most fascinating thing she’d ever seen.

 

She pulled one of the boards closer to her, attempting to read the abbreviations written on the small thing but finding she couldn’t decipher any of them. The cold, green circuit boards reminded her a bit of the odd beeping that always followed her, strangely enough.

 

She jumped a bit when plastic rings poked at her thigh, signaling that Lapis had something to say. She looked down at the old spiral notebook in her companion’s hand and silently read the surprisingly fancy handwriting to herself.

 

**_“Want to go to the beach after this?”_ **

 

“Oh, sure!” Peridot nodded. She set the screwdriver down and stood up. “I can finish that later, if you'd rather go now.” Lapis smiled and stood up, notebook and pen in hand.

 

They’d recently taken up residence in the strange, abandoned house at the beach’s cliffside. After Lapis had found a hardly-used notebook hidden under a bed, they’d both decided she would write down her thoughts in it, since she seemed unable to speak willingly; the only times her voice could be heard was the strange mumbles that accompanied a louder-than-average series of beeps. Lapis’s name was the first question Peridot asked her.

 

_ “So… do you know where we are?” Peridot asked her. Lapis wrote her answer down quickly. _

 

**_“Beach City.”_ **

 

_ “Beach... City, huh? Okay…” She scratched her chin in contemplation. Beach City… it sounded all too familiar. “Do you know where we can find any other people here?” _

 

_ Lapis just shook her head. “Have you ever been able to talk before?” _

 

_ Lapis just stared. “Aaaaalright… So, what happened before I met you? Where did you come from?” _

 

_ Lapis wrote slowly, seeming to put a significant amount of thought into her answer. _

 

**_“I know as much about that as you do.”_ **

 

The two walked outside, putting a safe amount of distance between them to prevent any accidental touches. Peridot trotted down the stairs, while Lapis spread her bewildering water wings and flew down to the shore. Peridot chased after her happily before Lapis splashed her with the gentle waves and laughed.

 

Peridot giggled and her heart thrummed. Lapis’s laugh was beautiful. The sunset cast the ocean in an orange glow, beneath the sky that shimmered in hues of blue, gold and violet.

 

She happily awaited nightfall, when she and Lapis could gaze up at the sheer artistry that was the night sky. The vastness of it all amazed her, reminded her that maybe they weren’t alone in the world only they seemed to share.

 

But still, Peridot pondered, maybe them being alone together in the universe  _ wasn’t _ so bad…

 

~~~~~

 

Lapis walked out of her apartment and locked the door behind her. She glanced down at the plastic pumpkin that, surprisingly, hadn’t been robbed from their doorstep yet. It was the middle of November, but a promise was a promise; she’d keep the Halloween spirit going until the day she died, if that day was the one Peridot woke up and told her to take it down.

 

Shrugging to herself, she made sure her ballet flats were firmly on her calloused feet and briskly walked out to the nearest bus stop. She still hated taking the bus; a feeling of dread pooled in her veins every time she boarded, for fear that she’d meet a similar or even worse fate than Peridot. Though it wasn’t like  _ dying  _ was her absolute greatest fear… She just wanted to have at least one more conversation with her girlfriend, really.

 

She was thankful for the slight change in temperature as she stepped onto the bus; it was  _ cold  _ outside. Thankfully, the vehicle was mostly empty, as it was a weekday in mid-afternoon. She plopped into a seat near the back and sighed through her nose. She had a good feeling about today.

 

~~~~~

 

Peridot laughed as she raced Lapis up the hill, who was flying at a slower pace to make things fair. The grass was cold against the steep expanse. Her legs were starting to burn, but it would be worth it; the view from the top of the hill was stunning, especially at dusk and dawn. The glimmering paint flecks that coated the sky slowly faded into nothing as ink turned to ocean and the sun began to peek out from the horizon. Peridot ran faster, not wanting to miss a second of it. In front of her, she saw Lapis shoot ahead towards the edge of the cliff and nosedive into the grass, retracting her wings and flopping onto her back.

 

Peridot panted as she reached her with record speed. Lapis laughed and held her notebook to her chest. Combined with the golden light beginning to stretch over her face, Peridot was absolutely sure that this was the  _ first _ most fascinating thing she’d ever seen. And the single, most beautiful. Lapis was beautiful.

 

With an exhausted sigh, she plopped down on the grass next to her as Lapis quickly sat up. Blades of grass stuck to her hair. The two sat there for what seemed like hours, enjoying the silent company and marvelling in the beauty that was Beach City.

 

The sun rose up hesitantly, casting a gold light over all that it touched. Chirps and squawks came from a direction that was uncertain, but far away. The breeze tousled their hair and Peridot breathed in the fresh, clean air. She eyed Lapis’s hand carefully from the corner of her eye, and her chest twanged uncomfortably. She wished she could…

 

She shook her head to clear her mind and stood up. The sky was getting closer to its regular cerulean hue, and she wanted to get back to working on the television in the house. They’d played together all night.

 

She took a few steps toward the cliff’s left edge before turning back to face Lapis. “Lapis, I’m gonna head ba-  _ ACK! _ ” she yanked her foot away from the ground with a shriek and stumbled backwards as the soil crumbled beneath her feet. It quickly faded away into pixel-like dust, and the rest of the ground beneath her quickly followed.

 

“Lapis!” she cried out. She barely saw the aforementioned girl move before she was falling towards ground that no longer existed. She bit back a scream before warm pressure clamped around her wrist, keeping her suspended in the air.

 

She looked up at her savior just in time to see her expression: reflective, wet eyes filled with sorrow as her lips mouthed something.

 

_ Peridot. _

 

Peridot watched as Lapis's form quickly dissipated, leaving her to once again fall into an endless void. She sobbed, calling out for Lapis once again. Looking down, she watched as the sand and ocean disappeared, spanning outward like a widening whirlpool, and the expanse turned black. 

 

She wailed as the wind whipped her hair, blowing her visor right off her face. A throbbing pain filled her head and arm, and her leg felt weightless. She closed her eyes against the blinding sunlight, arms flailing to find anything to hold onto, as the empty world below consumed her.

 

The pain surrounding her body worsened. She heard weird sounds, sounds like talking and shuffling and walking. The steady beeping now quickened as it pounded in her ears. The strange voice returned, though she couldn’t focus enough to figure out what it was saying. Everything was cold and warm at the same time.

 

She cracked her eyes open one last time, revealing to her a darker sky that grew farther and farther away with each passing second. The color was deep and vast, like if the evening sky and the ocean became one. Despite being nothing but a pigment, she could tell the electric hue smelled of coconut and seawater. It shone like the gem on her dearest friend’s back. Her favorite color in all the world, the color of...

 

_ Lapis. _

 

~~~~~

 

Humming an obscure alternative tune to herself, Lapis turned a page in her book. She was nearly finished. The soothing sound of the heart rate monitor somehow fit the theme of the horrific story and added onto the ambiance. She still wondered why she even took the book out of the library; she was never much of a horror geek.

 

Birds that were mostly seagulls chirped from the barely-open window, and sent in a chilly breeze. The thin white curtain nearest to the opening flapped a bit in the wind. Today was peaceful as could be, despite the subtle shaking in her nerves that she knew did  _ not  _ stem from the book her nose was in. She was nervous today, but it was almost a good kind anxiety. She didn’t know how or why, but she could just  _ feel  _ it in her core. She could tell that today was probably going to be the day.

 

She blinked a few times to refocus on the sentence she’d read four times over. Her mind had wandered. She bounced her leg, just as a way to actually  _ move.  _ She felt like running- not to a certain direction, not away from her problems (for once), but just to  _ run _ . Maybe relieve some of the tension she’d been building up her entire life. She definitely needed it now.

 

Just as her eyes locked back onto the page, a sound stole back her attention. And then another sound. It was getting noisier than usual in here.

 

The heart rate monitor began to beep a little faster. As it did, she swore all the birds outside suddenly clamped their beaks shut. She looked up as Peridot let out a quiet groan, left hand clenching and unclenching into a fist a few times. As she shifted a bit, Lapis quickly slammed her book shut and set it down. Her own heart ran a mile a minute. Her throat was dry, too shocked to even whimper.  _ Was this… _ ?

 

She watched as Peridot’s eyes slowly fluttered open and squinted against the harsh light. She slowly looked around the room and stopped on the monitor and other devices beside her. The monitor’s pace quickened further as Peridot’s breaths came faster, shoulders trembling. She looked everywhere but in Lapis’s direction as she began to panic. Her leg kicked around under the sheets.

 

Lapis finally seemed to snap back to reality. Tears of seventeen different emotions flooded her vision. “Peridot,” she choked quietly, “Peridot, it’s okay, it’s okay! I’m here.” As Peridot turned toward her, Lapis carefully placed her hands on her shoulders in reassurance, which caused Peridot to flinch backwards. She jerked her right arm towards herself, but gasped suddenly and clutched it to her chest, wincing. Lapis’s chest tightened. Why was she so…  _ afraid? _

 

Like a terrified animal, she inched away from Lapis’s touch until she was nearly engulfed by the bedsheets and curled on her side. She looked Lapis over with squinting, tired eyes, analyzing her lack of staff uniform and overall appearance, as if to determine whether she were trustworthy. Tears slipped out of her eyes as she squeaked her first real sentence in over a month.

 

_ “Who are you?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i procrastinated after the first 3 paragraphs for like two weeks and then finished the rest of it like last night and i have no excuse for anything anymore sorry  
> but anyway..... Yikes :)


	7. This is Over My Head, But Underneath My Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resignation is never an easy feeling, but nonetheless one Lapis might have to become familiar with.

_ “Who are you?” _

 

The simple question reverberated in Lapis's bones. She retracted her hands as her breath grew to match Peridot's: heavy, shaking, laced with uncertainty and complete panic. A weak part of her told her to turn and run far away, until her legs gave out and could never move again. She forced herself to stand still.

 

“Peridot, it's-it's me. It's  _ Lapis. _ ”  _ what the  _ Hell  _ was going on? _

 

Peridot's face flashed with recognition for only a second. “L-La...pis?”

 

Lapis took her chances by stepping a bit closer to the bed, but still kept her distance. “Yeah, that's me. Do you know what’s going on? Do you know where you are?”

 

Peridot stared up at her in silence for a moment, before scooting out from under the covers a bit. “I have no idea what's happening or who you even  _ are _ , if that's what you're asking.”

 

Peridot… didn’t recognize her…? Lapis took a deep breath. None of this was going the way she thought it would. “You were in a bus accident a month ago. You’ve… been in a coma since then...”

 

Peridot tensed and her eyes widened in surprise. “O-oh.”

 

Lapis avoided her gaze. “Yeah… What... do you remember last?”

 

Peridot stared down at the pillow beneath her head, as she remained curled on her side. “Going to bed last… month.”

 

“Okay.” Lapis fidgeted with the drawstrings of her deep blue hoodie. “What year was that?” Hope laced her voice.

 

“2015... It  _ is _ 2015, right?”

 

_ Oh. _

 

Lapis laughed nervously. “I-it’s, um… 2018.”

 

Peridot nearly shot up out of her bed. “I thought you said I was out for a  _ month!? _ ”

 

“I did! It’s just… you don’t remember  _ anything  _ from the past few years, do you?” Lapis’s shoulders quaked. “Today is November 19th, 2018.. The accident was last October.” Peridot stared at her in silence. Lapis could almost see the gears turning in her head. Lapis had had enough of this…  _ suffering. _ “Y-you know, I think I’m going to find a doctor, they’ll probably need to ch-check on you anyway...” She hoped Peridot didn’t pick up on how her breath caught in her throat. That girl was more intuitive than she took credit for.

 

She stiffly turned around and walked out the door, as Peridot said nothing. She immediately collapsed against the wall next to it, holding her face in her shaking hands. She took a deep breath and tried not to sob. Somehow, despite the logical side of her brain, she couldn’t help but feel that something here was her fault.

 

Terror and grief clawed at her insides. Peridot seemed to have no recollection of the past three years. Their entire life together could be lost somewhere unreachable. She wanted to scream. 

 

_ This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. _

 

“...alright? Ma’am?” Lapis uncovered her face to meet eyes with a young woman in scrubs, staring at her with a concerned expression. Lapis realized she hadn’t even heard the first half of her question. Quickly wiping the tears off her face with more effort than necessary, she croaked out a reply. “Y-yeah, I’m okay, thanks.” The nurse smiled sympathetically, face screaming  _ “I can tell you’re lying, but I’m not going to say anything”  _ and began to walk away, before realization dawned on Lapis. “B-but my girlfriend-... she… needs someone to come look at her, I think.” The nurse turned back around and locked eyes with her again, her interest piqued. “She just woke up from…” She trailed off and stared at her feet.

 

The nurse glanced at the door behind Lapis. “Ms. Daimon? She’s in that room behind you, right? And she’s woken up from… her coma, was it?” Lapis nodded solemnly. “Oh gosh… Okay, I’ll page Dr. Maheswaran, I think she just came in for her shift.”  _ How convenient.. _ “I just started a few weeks ago, I’m not qualified for this kind of thing… Have you spoken to Ms. Daimon?”

 

“Yes. But… when I asked her what year it was, she said it was 2015. She… doesn’t seem to recognize me, either.” Lapis felt her eyes wetten again.

 

“Oh dear… I’ll make sure Dr. Maheswaran comes as soon as she can, Miss…?”

“My name’s Lapis.”

 

The nurse smiled and nodded in recognition, before another employee called her from further down the hallway. She smiled sheepishly, before walking off and leaving Lapis alone again. Lapis spotted a set of chairs a few feet away from where she stood, and sat down in the one closest to her. She tucked her legs up into the chair with her so her chin was resting atop her knees. She fought the urge to cry again.

 

~~~~~

 

“Ms. Mahoe?” Lapis looked up suddenly at the voice. She was starting to become aware of just how  _ tired _ she was. Tired of how terrifying everything around her was, tired of all the uncertainty. And from lack of sleep.

 

Dr. Maheswaran stood above her as Lapis stood up and hummed in recognition. “I was alerted that Ms. Daimon is awake and thinks it’s 2015 again?” Lapis nodded. Words were too much effort. “I need to go check on her and see how well she’s doing. I’d like you to stay out here and wait, alright?”

 

Lapis nodded once again. “Okay, good luck… And…!” she spoke up suddenly. “T-tell her… who I am?” The doctor smiled sympathetically and nodded before she entered Peridot’s room, shutting the door behind her. Lapis watched her leave as a tear escaped from her exhausted eye.

 

Nothing left to do but wait.

 

~~~~~

 

She practically flew out of her seat as the door beside her opened and Dr. Maheswaran came out. She was jotting something down on a clipboard with a defeated look on her face. “Well? What is it?” Lapis questioned impatiently. Dr. Maheswaran looked down at her sadly and sighed.

 

“Well, Ms. Mahoe, I believe Ms. Daimon may have retrograde amnesia due to head trauma from the accident. We’ll have to run more tests, but we should figure things out in the next few days. I talked to her, and she can’t seem to remember anything beyond her senior year of high school.” Dr. Maheswaran glanced down at her clipboard. “She also appears to have a rather severe muscle contusion on her right arm. She’ll need extensive physical therapy for several weeks to get back on her feet.”

 

Lapis’s hands shook. She struggled to keep her composure. “Well, i-is there anything I can do for her?”

 

Dr. Maheswaran hummed. “Remind her of everything that’s happened in the past few years. Show her pictures and music that she enjoyed. If she  _ does _ have amnesia, there’s no real telling how long it will last at this point, but it can’t hurt to try and help her.”

 

Lapis nodded slowly in recognition. “So, can I go talk to her?” Hope laced her trembling voice.

 

“Yes, but be patient and aware that she may not… take a liking to you immediately. From what she told me, she has no idea who you are. I’m very sorry.” She placed her hand on Lapis’s shoulder as a sign of comfort and sympathy. “I have to go tend to another patient, but I’ll be checking in on her soon.” She began to walk away. “Have an excellent evening, Miss.”

 

“You too,” Lapis barely whispered.

 

Deciding there was nothing left to do, she turned towards Peridot's door and gripped the handle. Taking a long, deep breath, she pushed it open and walked into the beige-walled room. Peridot, who had been staring out the window, turned to her at the sudden noise. Lapis stared at her like a deer in headlights, wordless.

 

“Uh, hey,” she greeted nervously. Peridot watched her with wide eyes as she sat down on her usual stool. This was getting more and more awkward by the second.

 

“Hi... Dr. Maheswaran has told me that we've been dating for two years?” Her voice was incredibly deadpan, yet held an underlying bitterness for no rhyme or reason.

 

Lapis fidgeted. “Uhh, yeah… We have.”

 

Peridot's expression remained skeptical as she raised an eyebrow. “How did we meet?”

 

Lapis perked up a bit. “We were assigned as roommates freshman year of college. Then we got together at some point and moved into an apartment in town.”

 

Peridot hummed. Lapis attempted to keep her breathing calm. “We live in Beach City, correct?”

 

“Yeah. Our flat is a bit of a drive from here.”

 

Peridot hummed and glanced down at her bandaged arm. Without meeting Lapis's eyes, she spoke hurriedly, “It'll be getting dark soon, you should go home. Cities aren't safe at night.”

 

Lapis looked out at the window, and noted how the sky paled, something that indicated the first stage of nightfall. There was a small bit of yellow visible at the horizon. Peridot most definitely did not want to see her for the time being, but she accepted the  _ invitation _ nonetheless. Anyone would want to be alone to process so many revelations.

 

She sighed. “You're right. I'll… be here tomorrow, you can text me if you need anything, granted your phone is okay…” Peridot grunted in recognition, eyes trained on the window. “Okay, well, goodnight hon-  _ Peridot _ .” Her partner only nodded.

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Eyes swimming and refusing to blink, Lapis slowly left the room and started her trek down to the nearby bus stop. She didn’t think she'd be leaving Peridot behind in this fashion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo yay somewhat timely updates...?  
> im not feeling super great tonight and just wanted to get this out here, so sorry if some parts are a bit awkward as i only proofread it twice or so,,, hope you enjoy this short chapter anyway!  
> things will be a bit calmer next chapter i think :0


	8. By Tomorrow Morning, I'll Have This Thing Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Peridot have both got some thinking to do.

The clock above the small television read thirteen after two. The faintest sounds of the roaring ocean and the bats outside could be heard over the rain slamming against the balcony and windows. Lapis rolled over on the couch, barely awake, and sighed. Her eyes opened carefully to the dark living room before she sat up.

 

Thoughts of Peridot were fresh in her mind. The faintest memory of a dream lingered, like a story you couldn't remember the plot to. You could only remember whether it was good or not. She didn’t think it was good.

 

She’d collapsed on the couch and fallen asleep as soon as she'd gotten home, if her wrinkled hoodie and the empty taste in her mouth (you know the one) were any indication. Her shoulder bag likely lay discarded on the floor. She felt a bit hungry, stomach empty and light, but the last thing she wanted was to stand up and search the cabinets for something to eat at that moment. Too much effort.

 

Every one of her limbs felt like lead, and moving at all was tiring. Going back to sleep seemed like the best option. There was an uncomfortable ache in her hip, from laying in the same position for so long.

 

As she flopped back onto the couch, on her back this time to stop her pelvis from killing her when she awoke, she suddenly remembered something she should have done hours ago. She picked her phone up off the floor, a small sigh of relief leaving her lips as she noticed it had 28% left, and opened the messaging app.

 

**Me: peridot's awake**

**Me: also sorry its like 2 am i fell asleep. she woke up this afternoon**

**Me: i’ll tell you the details later im too tired to think sorry**

 

Hopefully the vibration of Steven's phone wouldn't force him awake at the late hour.

 

**Me: hope you had/are having a good night**

 

Lapis gave up on staying awake for good at that moment. She already missed the cold emptiness of slumber, being able to fall away to hazy dreams and the safety of being somewhere far from reality. She let her phone drop onto the couch after turning on battery saver mode, resigning to charge it in the morning, and pulled the old blanket at the edge of the sofa over her body haphazardly. She turned over and was asleep within minutes. It was a dark and dreamless slumber, devoid of the nightmarish oceans that often plagued her mind.

 

She didn't know if she really wanted to dream about Peridot again or not.

 

~~~~~

 

“Hi, Mrs. Daimon, this is Peridot’s girlfriend, Lapis. Um, I’m just calling to let you know that Peridot woke up from her coma yesterday…” Lapis swallowed the huge lump growing in her throat. “Uh, I think she’d be really happy if you came up to visit her, at least for a day. There’s some stuff going on, you know? Please call me back when you can. Bye.” She hung up the phone, sending her voicemail, before quickly pouring some slightly stale cereal into a bowl. Hopefully Peridot's mother could find the time to care about her family for a bit.

 

Lapis realized she’d conveniently forgotten the potential amnesia part. She wasn't sure if she felt okay with that or not. She had to tell everyone eventually.

 

Whatever, it was too late now. She had a lecture to get to soon.

 

~~~~~

 

“Hello, Lapis.” Yellow sounded… annoyed, if anything. As if checking in on her offspring's wellbeing was too much of an inconvenience. Before Lapis even opened her mouth to reply into her phone, Yellow continued. “You said Peridot woke up yesterday? I can be there Thanksgiving weekend. How is she?”

 

Lapis sighed inwardly. Yellow couldn't be bothered to take an immediate day off for something like  _ this _ ? She figured a CEO would have a bit more power over where their vacation days landed… though it was probably more so a lack of care. She almost started to regret dragging her into this in the first place.

 

She turned her head toward a loud group of students that filed into the Marine Biology lecture hall for a second before answering. She covered the ear that wasn’t against her phone to be able to hear Yellow better. “Well, they think she has... retrograde amnesia.” Lapis thought she heard Yellow gasp on the other end. “She… can’t remember the last few years and thinks she's like, seventeen, so… I thought she might be a bit more comfortable having you around for a bit. I don’t… know what to do.”

 

Actual, honest emotion suddenly laced Yellow's voice. That was new. “Oh… oh dear, I...” She gained back her composure quickly with a small huff. “I'll be sure to stop by, then, Lapis. Thank you for telling me. Have a good day,” she said with formality before hanging up.

 

Lapis put her phone down and sighed. She wished her potential future mother-in-law wouldn’t talk to her as she did with her employees. She shook her head and pulled her small old laptop out of her bag as the professor walked into the room, signaling that the next few hours of lecturing were about to begin. She pushed the past minute’s events out of her mind for the time being, instead focusing on thoughts of whales and blue water rather than cold machinery and tears. Today felt like it was going to be the longest one of all.

 

~~~~~

 

“Come in,” an unfamiliar voice on the other side of Peridot’s door called. Lapis opened the hospital room door to find Peridot exercising her non-bandaged arm with the help of a nurse, going through a careful range of motions. Her right arm was cloaked in a brace and heavily bandaged, to prevent any injury. Lapis’s hand wrapped tightly around the strap of her purse, heart squeezing uncomfortably.

 

She walked forward and watched the pair carefully. Peridot looked physically and emotionally exhausted. Empty inside. “Um, is this a bad time?”

 

The nurse, whom Lapis recognized as the one she’d talked to in the hallway yesterday, looked up at her and smiled while Peridot stared on blankly. “I don’t think so, ma’am, we’re almost done here for now.” Lapis nodded and stood close to the wall. She noted the nurse’s name tag, which read  _ NURSE MAYA _ in big black letters.

 

Maya stood up and carefully patted Peridot on the shoulder. “I’ll leave you two alone, now. Be sure to keep trying those hand exercises I showed you, Ms. Daimon, but take it slow. I’ll see you later.”

 

The lady swiftly left the room once Peridot nodded, likely to go check on another patient, leaving Lapis alone with Peridot. The two locked eyes for a moment, before Lapis walked forward and sat down in the old chair next to the bed. She smiled and opened her purse and pulled some things out.

 

“I brought a charger and your GBA,” she said. “Your phone’s probably dead by now.” Peridot nodded silently. Lapis noticed her expression change a little. It became less dead inside and a bit more irritated and longing. “Umm, do you want to talk about anything?”

 

Peridot looked pensive for a moment and then looked away, exhaling deeply. “Can you tell me about… our life?” She regained eye contact with Lapis. Her gaze was almost watery. “Do you have pictures and things?”

 

Lapis’s posture straightened a little in surprise. Peridot  _ wanted _ to remember...? “What do you want to know, exactly?”

 

Peridot shrugged. “Anything. I want to know what… our lives were like.”

 

Lapis just nodded and pulled out her phone, unlocking it and opening the gallery app with a few swift taps. “I think I still have some old pictures on this phone.”

 

Over the next several minutes, Peridot had been subjected to a number of different pictures and selfies, highlights from the last few years of her supposed life. Photos of bad haircuts, paintings, a counter covered in flour and dough. Laughable costumes at local Halloween stores and plastic skeletons. A picture of the two of them with some people she didn't recognize, a young boy and a girl with purple hair, wearing reindeer headbands. Peridot decorating a small Christmas tree, and then an image of a shattered ornament on the floor. Lapis wearing a bright blue top hat and holding a champagne bottle while Peridot looked on disapprovingly from the background.

 

The one that appeared to stick out most to Peridot, however, was a selfie of their foreheads pressed together, holding colorful flags with rainbows painted on their cheeks. People wearing bright colors beneath a sapphire sky walked about in the background. The pure definition of  _ love  _ and  _ peace. _ Peridot just stared blankly at the photo, expression unreadable.

 

Lapis sat next to her as she held the phone, telling the detailed stories behind every photo with a nostalgic edge to her voice. She laughed something riddled with small snorts for at least half of them, despite how glassy her eyes felt. She stole a glance into Peridot’s eyes every now and then, and noticed the same shine within them.

 

~~~~~

 

“Come on, just try?” Peridot grumbled quietly and looked away. “You have to eventually, Peridot...” Peridot held the small Gameboy Advance in her working hand a little tighter. Her eyes were trained on the morning light outside. Upbeat music chirped from the small machine, contrasting with the pained, tense air of the room. “ _ Please? _ I  _ know  _ you can do it…”

 

Peridot’s shoulders nearly met her earlobes with how she shrunk in on herself. “I can’t,” she said, barely above a whisper. Lapis watched her right hand tremble, thumb laying over the  _ A _ button uselessly. She couldn’t tell if it was with pain or anger; Peridot was always the more emotionally intuitive one between them.

 

“Yes, you can. I know, if you-”

 

“I  _ CAN’T! _ Don’t you  _ see?! _ ” Peridot snapped and regarded her sharply, large eyes shimmering and full of sheer emotion. Like a mix of malice and regret, perhaps? She raised her bandaged arm as if Lapis had never seen it before, clearly trying not to wince at the pain that was most definitely present flaring around the limb. “I  _ can’t do it _ .”

 

Lapis carefully reached her now shaking hand toward Peridot. Her eyes stung with sympathy. “Peridot-”

 

“No,” the girl across from her shook her head darkly. “I get it- the Peridot you claim to have known before was  _ clearly  _ a different person to you.” She took a shuddering breath. “But I’m  _ not the same _ . I’m probably not as-... not as worth it,” her voice lowered to a whisper. “Not after  _ this _ .” A tear slid down her flushed cheek. “I don’t know what you think, but it’s obvious to  _ me _ that nothing is  _ ever  _ going to get  _ better! _ “ She huffed and slumped back on the bed, refusing to meet Lapis’s eyes now. “We can’t get  _ any _ of it back- not my  _ stupid arm _ , not my  _ memories,  _ and not  _ whatever we had, either!  _ We might as well just throw _ everything _ we’ve worked for in the garbage and toss ourselves in after,” she inhaled a heavy sob, “because it’s all just  _ hopeless trash! _ ” Her left hand trembled as well, with how tightly she held the Gameboy.

 

Lapis was frozen. Peridot  _ never  _ got this upset; she’d never gotten truly  _ angry _ around Lapis. She didn’t know what to do. Pained, wet eyes met Lapis’s blue ones. “I don’t know  _ anything _ , Lapis. I’m…” she sniffled and exhaled a shuddering breath. “I’m unfixable.”

 

As if her movements weren’t even her own, Lapis immediately placed her hand on Peridot’s shoulder, using the other hand to gently prop up her chin to gain her attention. “Peridot, look at me,” she whispered. Peridot’s gaze found hers, but flickered away every other second. “You’ll get better. You’ll be okay again. I swear you  _ will _ get through this. I’m never, ever,  _ ever _ going to give up on you, okay?” Lapis bit back a sob and the urge to kiss Peridot’s button nose- she knew she would hate it now. Peridot nodded.

 

“Okay,” she whispered.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heEEEY wassup LADS-  
> back at it again with these between-chapter hiatuses :pensive: i mean this IS a steven universe fic after all...  
> sigh i can't wait for the hiatus after next week's ep sadyeehaw  
> BUT ANYWAY hope yall enjoy this i-almost-want-to-call-it-a-breather,,,  
> ive been considering waiting to post chapter 9 until i have 10-12 mostly done as well so i can make them all Perfect, so if updates take 13 more years that's why!! im doing this for your own good!!!!!!! (cries)  
> hope everyone had excellent holidays and are rockin' the new year! see y'all whenever 9 is up!!

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys look whos back on their lapidot angst bs ;))) its ya boi  
> if you were wondering about the chapter title, the titles will be lyrics to "somewhere in between" by lifehouse because yes i am that cheesy! (Edited, they used to be from "when it's cold i'd like to die" but i changed them!)  
> i'm not sure how many chapters this story will have, probably around 10 TBH. hopefully upcoming chapters will be longer than this one!  
> anyway i hope you guys enjoy this story so far, don't worry there's plenty more coming :D be sure to comment + kudos if you enjoyed and thanks for reading!!


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